I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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