he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
