woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We need to get me chipped asap
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
