I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
