I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
