Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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