I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
