Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
