i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
