so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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