Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
