At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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