i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
