When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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