I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
