Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
