I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
