her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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