I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
