Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
