I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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