Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
