One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i need some magic done to my vagina
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize