I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
