Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
