I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
