Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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