david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
