Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and she was petting her beer can
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
