oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
