oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
