well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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