I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
