so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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