yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
