Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
