i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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