Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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