wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
