Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
