I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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