I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
