then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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