oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
