im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
