The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
