im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
