All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
