Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
this just has baby written all over it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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