when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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