is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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