I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
