Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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